in contrast to my previous entry yesterday/the other day, where in my elation for the unknown was quite over the top..today my life changed forever.
i was at home the entire day. for the first time in probably a year or two, i did my own laundry. my mom and i got into a small fight. so i locked my self in my room to continue doing edits. it’s pretty ironic because in my morning devotion, i read this exact verse “Avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife”-2 timothy 2:23. i was put to the test and obviously i failed.
the entire day was a blur. i just remember giving in to procrastination around 8:50pm. i decided to take a nap before pulling off an all nighter.
the next thing i knew, my phone was ringing. it was my aunt who lived next door to us. i wasn’t able to answer it. but i heard screaming at the door (for those of you who don’t know, i literally live next door to my grandmother’s house aka my father’s ancestral home). i couldn’t make out what my aunt was yapping about. i thought a thief entered the house or something. i noticed that the door to my parents’ room was open. my mom was in a get together in qc while my dad was supposed to be resting in the room because he had a flight to catch at 4am.
my aunt’s voice was all over the house but i couldn’t make out what she was saying. until i heard a “si mommy” in between all the yelling. i froze. i was on the second floor. i saw her lying down on the couch. my system was shifting to hysterical mode. my dad couldn’t find the keys to the car so i just had to snap out of it and run to our house to go find it. thankfully, i found it within seconds. i went back to the second floor and just looked at her while our helpers tried to carry her to the car. i never wanted to see her that way. she was doing well the past weeks. she just recovered from depression. she just got back to her usual ecstatic self. it couldn’t be happening. one of our helpers called for my help and adrenaline just hit me hard. i helped carry her inside our car and they were off to the hospital the next minute.
immediately i tried contacting my relatives. news spread fast. but my dearest and most beloved grandmother still passed away. they tried to revive her. twice. she gave out a faint heart beat on the first try. but it was still concluded with a flat line. no one was expecting it. cod: massive heart attack. age: 82.
though it was entirely unexpected, i personally am thankful for her very “timely” passing. some of my relatives were already booked to leave the country next week. if she left us later, it would’ve been more difficult for all of us.
i ended up being at the hospital at 1am. alongside my family and relatives.
my relatives will be flying across the ocean for the funeral. it’s a very unfortunate get together. the nine children of my grandmom and the thirteen grand children were not expecting this.
i’ll miss you “lola me”. this day was always in the back of my mind. i never gave much thought to it. why would i? i haven’t been around the past weeks and i haven’t seen you as much even though we basically lived in the same house.
i’ve lived with you since birth. i thank God for allowing you to recover from your depression before you left us. i’m also thankful that you left us in a “happy” state. thank you so much for always cooking for me and for always welcoming my friends to sleepover at your guestroom. thank you for always being curious about my life. ang daya mo lola, biglaan ka na lang nang iwan. hindi man lang ako nakapag bye. thank you for always praying for us. i’ll miss your super long prayers before meals and those funny moments when everyone starts letting out big sighs already because we’re all just ready to eat what you prepared for us.
a huge wave of change just hit my life. and there will be a lot more to conquer. it will be hard. but i just want to say thanks, lola. i miss you so so so so much. i’m on the first five hours in living my life without you. i miss you. i hope you, lolo and the Father are having a rad time in heaven. i love you sooo much
in my quest for personal and spiritual adventures, i’ve decided to do a couple of random things. here’s one that some may find lame, after years of being persuaded by my parents, i finally enrolled myself in a driving school. this was a week ago. i never really considered driving because where i lived, everything was accessible by walking. my office was a leap away from home. i live in one of the best urban cities in my country and i say this with sheer bias because this is my hometown. i just hated the idea of having the responsibility of driving and maintaining a car (plus the roads in this country are mostly horrendous). so yes, i can finally drive a car..that has an automatic transmission. i was disappointed with myself for not learning to drive a stick. well.. i kind of know how to but i suck at it so yeah, maybe next year i’d try to learn it. i really want to! anyway, it was fun. my instructor was very patient and friendly despite me being random and talkative all the time. and i loved the fact that he made me play my ipod in the car, and endured listening to my terrible singing voice and my rapping skills. when white walls (macklemore and ryan lewis) randomly played, he asked me to write the song title and the artist on a piece of tissue paper because apparently he liked it and had no idea who sang the darn thing.
for the friends of mine who’s curious about what i’ve been doing lately, since my first ever job ended, that’s about a month ago, i’ve basically been on an adventure. early on it was filled with binge eating and sleeping, but now my friends and i are up to something. i’ll probably apply for a job later this year or next year but for the sake of sharing, all is well with me so far. all by the grace of Him who holds all things.
i’ve been everywhere today. i can’t even remember the places i went to. but it was such a humbling experience. i can’t go into detail yet. maybe someday. but i’m hoping everyone’s doing alright
during classes back in high school, besides drawing and daydreaming, i’d always write the cheesiest and most tragic short stories. there was this particular one that i wrote for a writing competition. i just thought of it and miraculously, thank God, i found the file. i want to share it here but i’m quite apprehensive about it. here’s a part of it.
it gets a bit more tragic (but hopeful) towards the end but this is all i’m posting for now since no one really reads these stuff